Fractured Faith
by the2julies
Summary: By Carly Carter and Kassandra Luem aka the2julies - A horrific event shatters Yvonne's life, and leaves Nikki and Helen at a 'make or break' point in their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

Fractured Faith

Chapter 1

"Please, sit down Yvonne."

She didn't think so. It was bad enough everyone always had to run as soon as the Gov called, like rebellious children to see the principal. She wouldn't give Miss Betts the further pleasure of looking down on her. She ignored the request.

"Yvonne, please." Miss Betts repeated and there was something in her voice, something that sounded like genuine concern and it threw Yvonne off balance. She sat down.

"Thank you." And while Miss Betts did look pleased at her decision she was still looking at her with a deeply grave and serious expression.

"What did they frame me for this time?" Yvonne inquired, because honestly, this was getting a bit old. Being called to the Gov's office, being accused of something, getting sent down the block and back to the wing a few days later because they'd finally managed to find the real culprit. Screws… as long as they didn't have to do more than lock and unlock the cells they were ok, but as soon as something happened that actually required some brain capacity to get behind, they were completely out of their depths.

"Did I drown someone? Poison someone? Did I sell drugs? What is it this time?"

"I'm afraid it's none of the above, Yvonne." Miss Betts told her and the line on her forehead became even deeper. Yvonne watched how she folded her hands on the tabletop and clenched and unclenched her fingers.

"Oh? So, let me see. No water, no poison, no drugs. Maybe… I tried to escape through a hole under the pool table I was standing at when your Mister Fenner dragged me here."

Karen sighed.

"Yvonne, please. Would you just listen to me? It's really, really important. And it's not funny."

Yvonne leant back in her seat. Miss Betts was behaving oddly and Yvonne wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on. The sooner she knew, the sooner she could try to think of how to prove she hadn't done whatever it was they were accusing her of. In the back of her mind she saw Jim Fenner's grinning face, the triumphant look in his eyes as he'd told her Miss Betts wanted to see her – "immediately". Whatever this was, she was sure he was behind it.

"Yvonne, I'm really sorry. I just got a call from the hospital. It's Lauren. She was found dead this morning. I'm so sorry"

Karen looked at her, expecting tears, yelling, a complete breakdown then and there. What she didn't expect was for Yvonne to be laughing right in her face.

"Yeah, of course. You screws really don't stop at anything to fuck up our lives in here, do ya? Well, too bad because I'm seeing right through it. You can tell your sweetheart Fenner that this time he miscalculated. You should know better than to expect me to believe this crap. There's no way my Lauren's dead. Not my Lauren. And you must have even more shit for brains than I thought to try and feed me those lies. You sure are a pack of sad, pathetic bastards."

Karen looked at the woman opposite her and didn't know what to say. It had been bad enough saying the words for the first time. She wondered why it felt so much worse having to say it for a second time. She looked at Yvonne and she saw her pride in her daughter, her unwavering conviction and trust in the fact that her daughter was too strong to be hurt, to clever to be caught and too good to be dead. And it broke her heart having to destroy that unquestioning faith that Yvonne held in her daughter. She was sure, the Atkins family was far from the perfect picture book family and Yvonne was far from being a model prisoner, but she respected the other woman for her stark honesty and outspokenness and she recognized a mother's love when she saw it. Still, she had to say it. No matter how little she wanted to, it was her job to make sure Yvonne understood that she was telling the truth.

"Yvonne, I'm not joking. Or trying to set you up. I'm telling you the truth. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"You're a good actress, I have to give you that. But I'm telling you for the last time: Your little scheme doesn't work on me. Go and try your crazy psycho-games on someone else."

With those words she stood up and her eyes were shooting sparks of contempt and rage at the Wing Governor that helplessly watched her make her way to the door. She realized that there was nothing she could do in that moment to make Yvonne believe her. And so it was with a sigh that she gave in to the woman's impatient, expectant demeanour and called for a PO to take her back to G-wing.

"I'm sorry Yvonne. I'm sorry, but it's true." She said once more to the closed door on the other end of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nikki smiled as she turned from her book to see the number 1, Governor Stewart, standing in the door of her cell.

'To what do I owe this pleasure?" Nikki asked standing to her feet, grinning.

Helen silently stepped into the small room, closing the door gently behind her. 'Sit down Nikki, I've got some bad news." She began.

Nikki sat on the bed, trying to wait patiently as Helen sat beside her. "Helen, tell me." She pleaded as she looked into Helen's eyes seeing that whatever this news was it had affected her deeply. Nikki reached forward and took Helen's trembling hand in her own. "Tell me." She whispered. She hated to see Helen so distressed. Hated even more being kept in the dark. She knew there were so many things going on in the life that existed on the other side of the gates of Larkhall. She felt insanely jealous at the thought of so many things going on in Helen's life that she couldn't be part of. But for once, Helen had sought her out, was sitting here wanting to tell her something, and Nikki tried her best to wait patiently. It had been a long time since Helen had felt safe enough to confide in her.

"It's Yvonne's daughter." Helen said finally, Relieved that she had not been the one designated to break the news to Yvonne. She didn't envy Karen that task.

"Lauren?" Nikki asked.

"You know her?" Helen sounded surprised.

"Yeh, of course." Nikki answered. "I mean no, I've never met her. I feel like I know her. Yvonne thinks the world of her, I've heard a lot about her. You know what it's like in here, we're all family," As Nikki spoke the words she realised that Helen didn't really know what it was like, not from this side of the bars. Probably didn't understand how close you became to your fellow inmates. How you could feel you knew Lauren Atkins even though you had never met the girl.

"She's been killed." Helen whispered gently.

"What?" Was all Nikki could respond. "How?"

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss it."

"You what? You can't just drop that on me with no explanation. What are you telling me for then? Just to see me squirm?"

"Nikki stop. Yvonne isn't taking it well." Helen explained.

"No of course she's bloody not taking it well for fuck's sake." Nikki raised her voice in anger. "She's been locked up in this shit hole, away from her kid, only able to visit for half an hour once a fortnight, and then you tell her that her kid is dead. How is she supposed to take that?"

Helen ignored Nikki's angry tirade. At another time it would have angered her, made her defensive. She didn't make the law, she didn't sentence Yvonne to jail, she didn't commit the crime in the first place. She couldn't take responsibility for those things and it hurt her deeply that Nikki often seemed to lose sight of reality, to blame Helen for the short comings of the law and the prison system. Could she not see how hard Helen was fighting the system, how much blood, sweat and tears went into her efforts to make things better? Nikki never saw it like that. Nikki was desperate to lay the blame at someone's feet- and more often than not, that someone was Helen.

Helen pushed her personal bitterness aside. This was about Yvonne. Not her, not Nikki. "She can't accept it, she's completely in denial. I just thought…" Helen's voice trailed off.

"Thought what? I'd come along and do your dirty work for you? It's all too much for you, too hard to deal with, requires too much compassion and energy and you just couldn't be bothered, So you thought- why not dump the whole thing on Nikki?"

"No." Helen answered softly. "I broke the rules telling you this. It's confidential information. I just thought Yvonne could use a friend to talk to."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Nikki hesitated as she stood at Yvonne's cell. She felt guilty as she realised she didn't want to go in there. She had accused Helen of not wanting to deal with it, truthfully she was no better. But Yvonne was her mate, and despite her earlier anger at Helen, she realised Helen had done Yvonne a favour by letting Nikki come to her like this. It was her way of trying to help in the best way she could. Betts would have just locked the poor woman in her cell to grieve alone. 'Sorry your daughter's dead but don't make a fuss now. Can't have you upsetting the other inmates.'

Still, Nikki didn't want to see her friend in such pain. And she felt ill equipped to deal with the situation. She had no children herself and understood nothing of a mother's anguish. But there was no one else, Yvonne needed her.

Helen looked at her wordlessly as she slipped the key in the lock and pushed open the door. Slowly Helen turned and walked away leaving Nikki to enter the room alone.

"Yvonne." Nikki called gently to the woman whose back was facing her as her gaze was fixed out the window.

Nikki wasn't sure what to expect, but she did not expect Yvonne to turn to her and smile, greeting her warmly "Hey Nikki. How'd you get in here? Found a magic key?"

Nikki didn't answer. She was completely lost for words.

"You wouldn't believe what those bloody screws are trying to pull now, mate." Yvonne went on. "Betts spun me some story about my Lauren. It's all bull shit. They have no life outside this place, it's sad really. That they need to make up stories like that to amuse themselves. It's sick, that Betts needs some help. Ought to be locked away in a mental hospital."

Nikki stood, feeling helpless, looking over her shoulder unconsciously, looking for Helen to come in behind her, to be the one to say 'Yvonne, It's not a story. It's the truth.' Nikki couldn't bring herself to be the one to break it to her. How much would it take to get through to her? Would she have to scream it over and over? Hold her down to the ground and make Yvonne look her in the eye until she realised? Nikki didn't have it in her. But neither could she stand there and watch the way her friend desperately grabbed for other explanations, trying to block out the terrible truth. It must be pleasant to be in the place of denial. But somewhere, deep down, Nikki realised Yvonne knew the truth. Nikki saw that flicker of fear, desperation, in her eyes. She wanted to bring the peace Yvonne was so desperately seeking. To say 'Yvonne, it's ok. Lauren is fine.' But she knew she could not.

Nikki couldn't stop the tears that welled in her eyes. Not so much tears for Lauren, the young beautiful girl whose life had been tragically cut short, but tears for her mate. She knew this would destroy Yvonne. Yvonne had always been a tower of strength to all the women here. Brave and strong, but never compromising her integrity, courageous, respectful, compassionate. That was Yvonne. And Lauren was the thing she lived for. The thing she'd die for. Lauren was gone.

Nikki stood helpless, silent, still, tears forming in her eyes as Yvonne turned to face her. "What's up with you then?" Yvonne demanded to know.

Nikki tried to find the words. "Yvonne." She managed to say as she extended her hand to the older woman. "Look at me, please."

Yvonne flinched slightly as Nikki touched her hand, and lifted her gaze to stare Nikki in the eye. Nikki didn't speak, she didn't have to. Yvonne saw the truth written all over her face.

The silence was broken by the noise from other prisoners being unlocked for association. Yvonne stood motionless for a few moments. A blank expression on her face. Before Nikki could stop her, Yvonne pushed past and ran out of the cell and down the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nikki followed instantly but was not fast enough to catch Yvonne. By the time she reached the landing Yvonne had already left a path of destruction behind her, knocking over property and people alike that got in her way. She said nothing at first, all her energy spent on destruction. Nikki watched helplessly as the screws advanced towards Yvonne. Quickly things spun out of control. The others, who knew nothing of Lauren's tragedy, but always eager for an excuse to riot, joined in the mayhem. Screaming, shouting, crashing, banging. It was chaos. Nikki inched her way towards Yvonne, knowing she had no hope of calming her or preventing this riot now, but needing to try somehow.

"Oy Yvonne! What's up, mate?" Denny asked, concerned. Denny, usually the first to get involved in a riot, seemed disturbed by Yvonne's behaviour. Ignoring the chaos around her she had sought out Yvonne and asked her what was wrong. The kid had changed a lot since Yvonne had taken her under her wing.

"Out of my way, Denny." Yvonne pushed the girl aside, waving a piece of broken furniture towards the prison officers who were advancing towards them. The officers stopped in their tracks to assess the situation.

"What's going on, man?" Denny asked again, placing her arm on Yvonne's shoulder. Yvonne spun around violently. "I said get out of my way, you little shit." Yvonne spat back, poison in her words "Who the fuck do you think you are? You're nothing. A worthless little shit. You're worth nothing next to my Lauren, hear me?"

Denny's face fell and she backed away. Yvonne could see that her words had crushed the girl's spirit, but it was too late to take them back now. Besides, weren't they true? Wouldn't she swap Denny to have Lauren back? What was wrong with that? Lauren was her daughter.

Thoughts of Lauren weighed Yvonne down, she dropped the piece of broken furniture she had been carrying and fell to the floor sobbing. She made no protest as the officers advanced from behind and pulled her to her feet.

"Right, down the block for you, Atkins." Sylvia announced triumphantly. "And the rest of you, back too your cells or you'll be joining her!" Sylvia threatened.

"Oy, get your hands off her you bitch! Her daughter just died, have some compassion," Nikki yelled, lunging towards Yvonne.

"Right Wade, that's you down the block and all." Sylvia announced as two officers came up behind Nikki dragging her down the block. As Nikki was pulled along, she looked up, through the bars, relieved to see Helen standing there. Helen wouldn't let this continue. Helen would put a stop to this cruel barbaric treatment.

It took Nikki a moment to realise that the look of anger and indignation on Helen Stewart's face was not directed at the ass hole prison officers who had dragged a grieving mother towards the segregation block. Every ounce of that anger, that blame, was aimed at her. As she was pulled past the place Helen stood, she heard her whisper the accusation.

Nikki was too shocked to reply even if she'd had time. Before she knew it she had been dragged round the corner out of sight. Behind her she heard the awful racket of crazed women out of control, angry officers trying to calm them. In front of her she heart Yvonne's wretched heartbroken sobbing. But louder and more painful than those two sounds put together, she heard clearly that resounding whisper of accusation from Helen 'You were supposed to be looking after her. Look what you've done Nikki.'


End file.
